So you finally bought the tickets and set aside the time – you’re going to your first kink/bdsm party. You might be nervous or not know what to expect, and even after reading over the event rules and dress code it can be a bit overwhelming. Aside from making sure you have a beautiful outfit and toys from Bottega Nera, here are some of our top tips for what to expect when you arrive at your first party.
1. Rules and Dress Codes
The most reputable kink events will have a set of rules and a dress code that is sent out before the event. Read the rules very carefully, as clubs enforce them and will remove you from the event if you are being disrespectful. Look for events to attend that list they will have dungeon monitors at the party and/or security. This means the event is looking out for you! The DMs will be friendly, personable and will answer any questions you might have. Some events will also have a required orientation at the beginning of the party if you haven’t attended before. The orientations are mandatory and are an excellent way to get settled into the environment before the party is in full swing.
Dress codes vary from event to event. Most parties will have a list of options from formal wear to kink wear. Rarely are you required to wear something sexy or kinky, so if you’re nervous about what to wear normally a nice ‘going out’ outfit will be perfect for your first event. The event organisers will be happy to answer any of your questions ahead of time, and often are quite forgiving about the dress code. The dress code is there to set the mood for the event, not to be excluding. If you aren’t comfortable in lingerie or nude, don’t worry about it! You will get an idea about how people dress from your first party and can decide what accessories you want to pick up for the next time.
2. Everyone is Friendly
A dungeon can sound intimidating in name, but the reputation doesn’t carry over to the party-goers. Most kinky people are extremely friendly and happy to meet new faces. Unlike your typical cocktail party or dinner event, the group will be much more mixed. Different classes, ages and demographics will mingle and give up their daytime personas to be free for the night. It’s not uncommon to meet a politician and then a truck driver on the same night.
If you see someone with an interesting outfit or kink they will almost always be happy to tell you about it and answer your questions as well. Just make sure you wait till they are done playing to talk to them. You will probably leave your first kink party knowing much more than you came in and probably have a few new friends as well.
3. Drinking is Done in Moderation
Depending on the event, alcohol and drugs may or may not be allowed. Some events will not allow any drinking, while others might have some champagne or BYOB policies. Drinking heavily, however, is frowned upon. You will notice that at parties where it is allowed most people choose not to partake. Compared to a regular party or night out kink parties are relatively dry affairs. The reason for this is that to be consensual and safe, it is best not to drink before playing or engaging in sexual encounters. Bottega Nera recommends that you stay sober at your first party, as you won’t need anything to dull your nerves once you see how vibrant everyone is, and you won’t want to miss out by being asked to leave if you have a few too many!
4. People will Bring A Lot of Toys
BDSM parties are BYOT events (bring your own toys) for the most part. You will see people show up with rolling suitcases or duffle bags full of sex toys and other goodies. Everyone has a different toy collection with their own favourites. Furniture for play like benches and crosses are supplied by the event space or the party organisers, and everything else will be carted along to the event. Many party-goers are happy to give you a tour of what they like in their toy set and explain why they like them. Getting a tour of a toy bag is a great way to start to explore what you might like to try.
If you’re ready to start building out your toy kit, you can get a complete set like the True Kink box and wow people with your impressive collection.
5. Nudity and Sex
Depending on the event and the local rules there will be nudity and sex at the party. Most first-time attendees report after their first party that it felt surprisingly normal to see people naked and playing in sexual ways. The environment of the party is so respectful and open that there isn’t any awkwardness to go around. You might see things you’ve never seen done before, and that is part of the fun of attending a kink party!