Start Here: How to Choose Sex Toys

Maybe you saw Venus in Furs or Fifty Shades of Grey – perhaps a post on social media of a woman in latex. Something piqued your interest, and now you want to try something new. Looking for vanilla sex toys alone can be overwhelming, so finding kinky toys can feel like too much to process. Here are some helpful tips on how to get started:

Pick a Sensation

BDSM is all about sensations. Many common kinks revolve around either restricting sensation (like blindfolds) to heighten others or are about eliciting new novel sensations. Here is a short list of some sensations to pick from:

Bondage or Restriction

Bondage is about restricting movement – the feeling of helplessness. Bondage is one of the most popular types of kinky play, and many playtimes that involve other things also have some level of restriction. If you like being wrapped tightly in your blankets with your sheets tucked in, hugged tightly, or held down during sex, you might like some bondage implements.

Heat and Sensation

Wax play is darn sexy! Shows like Game of Thrones even feature a little bit of wax play (Daenerys’ brother and her handmaiden in the bathtub). Wax play is about the sensation of the warm (or sometimes hot) wax dripping on your body and then the fun of taking it off again.

Other sensations include tickling and touching with different toys. Sensation play is extra fun with a blindfold to enhance the other senses. If you think you’d like to try something gentle like some blindfolded tickling our Little Luxury set would be perfect for you.


Pain is still a sensation, but we put it in its category because of the intensity. When many people think about BDSM they immediately think “painful” while we hope that our other sections have shown you that isn’t always the case, pain can be extremely pleasurable as well. Pain can be safely created using spanking, paddles, whips, rope, and many more implements. If you’re interested in experiencing some pain, it is best to start slowly and build up, and always carefully negotiate what you’re OK with your partner beforehand.

Our boxes with the best toys for exploring pain are our True Kink set and The Classic set. The Classic includes a split-ended paddle and a flogger, and the True Kink is full to the brim with all sorts of sensation toys.

Sex Toy Selection

Vibrators, dildos, plugs, and more. How on earth do you decide what your body will like best? Finding quality toys is difficult; the toy market is crowded with a vast range of types, brands, and prices. Bottega Nera carefully selects only body-safe brands to stock. Purchasing toys from a reputable source is the first step to choosing sex toys that will be right for you. From there, here are some tips on how to select what type of toy might be interesting for you:

Types of Vibration

If you have had any experience at all with vibrators, you may have noticed that not all buzz the same. If you haven’t tried a vibrator yet, don’t fret!

Rumbly – Rumbly vibrators have a rougher feel and usually a more significant vibration area. The Doxy Wand is an excellent example of something rumbly.  Rumbly toys are generally more powerful and can be used over underwear as well as directly.

Finer Vibration – Toys with finer vibration will be more concentrated in their vibration, perfect for intense clitoral stimulation. The Crave Necklace is a fine-vibration toy.


If you’re interested in trying anal, you should select a toy made explicitly for anal play. This is important! Anal toys will have a base on the toy so that it will stay securely in place – anal toys shouldn’t be inserted beyond the base. If you want to try an anal toy make sure to slowly warm yourself up to it first and use a quality lube.

Dildos and Insertables

Insertable toys such as dildos are good for more manual stimulation. Some of them vibrate as well like the classic “rabbit” toy. If you’re looking for a more filling feeling and like vaginal stimulation, an insertable toy would be a good option for you.

Choose a Boxed Set

A sampling of goodies to try is always an excellent way to test out many impressions and toys. It’s one of the reasons we love getting subscription boxes! Bottega Nera has many boxed sets that cater to specific interests. If you know that you’re interested in bondage already, then the Pretty in Pain and Pleasure could be a good fit for you. Our boxed sets contain a variety of toys for you to try and come with scenario suggestions. We put together our collections so that you have a whole story to play out with the items inside, and we make sure that the boxes check off several types of play so that there is a full experience in each one.